past time girl

I just read a blog from a friend about hurting over a break up and it seems I feel the same pain. Im not actually in a relationship or mending a broken heart or loving someone in silence but that I've been there and the feeling sucks.

Questions

I received an email last June 19, 2007 about a job opportunity for some NGO. For some unknown reason i just read it today. I thought it was a hoax mail so i did not bother to read it at all. So why did i read it today? Coz i had no choice i wasn't doing anything so i said what the heck, just read on it.

After reading I replied without hesitation. I was interested to apply for it and I even had my mind set on it. It was a great opportunity for me to do what i want to do and maybe, go abroad. I was so excited becuase for one, I was referred to by his personal friend from AIM and second, the work was exactly the same with what I am doing now.

But the bad news came. They needed someone for the position immediately. They couldnt wait for my contract to end before hiring me. I couldnt do anything, so i had to thank the person for considering me and letting the opportunity go away.

I am so disappointed till now. The job would have been mine if i wasnt doing anything, if only i was free of any contracts. I would have made my mom and dad proud coz I'll have the chance to work abroad. I wanted to cry, i wanted to shout and breakdown.. but then it was too exagerrated for me. TOO MUCH DRAMA. I couldnt do anything coz i cant just go and leave my other work for a new one. It was against my principles. I am going to finish what I have started and im sticking to it.

i even came to the point of questioning Kuya Jess. Why give me something i cant have? Why put me in a situation that i cant get my way? Why cant i have all?

I want to get away and find a job somewhere else. I want a new life. Life that i can experience outside Philippines or if its too big of a dream, then outside Manila. I want to do development work althoug it doesnt pay a lot. The job description fits me perfectly. I have no problem going away or traveling for work..


But then again at the end of the day, i couldnt have the job. It wasnt for me, although i wanted it Kuya Jess will reveal everything in His time.

So there's nothing for me to do but to rant here and wait for His answers.Ü

Still all's good.Ü

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pagod na ba ako talaga o sinasabe lang ng utak kong pagod ako?


actually, petiks lang ako sa work, wala gano ginawa except sa letters to participants na pahabol. pero other than that i did nothing...
all i did was surf the net, check my friendster, check other people's friendster, organize and comment on my multiply site and other people's site... i waited for 4pm so i could go to school for my class at 6pm.. had to walk to St. Francis square to buy shoes, coz my goddam shoes gave up on me. i couldnt risk falling in class so i had no choice but to buy a new pair. Damn..

Then i walked through Megamall to reach MRT. When i reached the platform, i was perspiring like hell.. damn, and i even had make up on, which makes things worst..

i almost fell asleep at the train coz i was feeling really tired and exhausted. Exhausted from the long walk and the heat of the sun. Then i had to ride the LRT for another 5-10 minutes to reach my destination...

the clock is ticking and im dreading it.. i feel so tired i feel like i wouldnt be teaching too good today...

i need energy....